You have a dilemma; you're an adult in a new relationship and you certainly don't want to be made a fool of. Yet, as you start to get closer to someone, it's a real possibility that the person you're seeing is not the person with whom you're meant to spend the rest of your life. Here's the dilemma: You meet, you get along, he's charming as well as bright and attractive. Why not continue to go out? So you do.
Little by little, you start to invest more time in each other and the feelings also start to grow. And then it happens. Without even realizing it, you've got the "love goggles" on, which means that you aren't thinking anymore. Everyone else seems to see the character flaws, though his weaknesses and problematic areas seem to escape you because you've already forced a relationship in your head.
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Have you noticed how he treats his mother? And how does he speak about her? The relationship a guy has with his mother will tell you a great deal about how he'll relate to you so pay attention.
What is the manner in which he relates to wait staff? Though this seems like a small insignificant piece, it's really about respect.
If he's the kind of person who talks down to wait staff, eventually, it will be your turn. Rudeness toward waitstaff is a significant indicator of a person's character, and the concept is commonly called 'the waiter rule.'
Early research suggests that how someone treats service workers like waiters can reveal underlying personality traits, particularly regarding respect for others and power dynamics. A partner exhibiting such behavior can signal potential issues with empathy, respect, and overall consideration for others, essential qualities in a healthy relationship.
Does he call when he says he will and show up at the time he's supposed to? It's important to be consistent.
Trust is a foundational factor in a good relationship. Consistency is certainly a way of showing one's trustworthiness.
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Though initially, it may seem romantic for your guy to set up the date and merely tell you what time to be ready and what to wear, it's likely that this person needs to be in control ... all the time. You want to make sure you're an equal partner.
Men who control all aspects of dates can stem from a desire for power dynamics within the relationship. This desire is often linked to traditional gender roles, low self-esteem, or a need to feel in control.
It can manifest as behaviors like dictating where to go, what to do, and who to meet on dates. However, a 2012 study found it's important to remember that not all men who plan dates are controlling, and individuals of any gender can exhibit this behavior.
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At first, you may think you hit the jackpot and found the one male who's willing to talk. That's great! What is he talking about ... is it himself?
And is he also willing to listen to what you have to say? You want to be in a relationship where you have a mate where you, and what you say, matters.
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If he's the kind of person who sticks with the "same-old, same-old" all the time whether it's the type of cuisine he's eating or the activities he does, there's a real good chance your relationship will get boring. Many relationships end when there's not enough novelty.
Resistance to trying new things in a relationship could be linked to factors like fear of the unknown, low openness to experience, comfort-seeking, underlying anxieties about change, potential societal expectations of masculinity, or even a lack of perceived need to adapt within the relationship, often stemming from a feeling of control or complacency.
A 2018 study suggested having a calm and open conversation about your desire for more variety in the relationship and clearly expressing your needs and concerns. Instead of dictating new activities, suggest trying new things together, making it a shared experience.
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Does he minimize your point of view when you have a conflict? Research has shown that how couples manage conflicts is a strong predictor of how successful their relationship will be. There are many skills to good conflict management and minimizing your partner's point of view isn't one of them.
Though there are no guarantees in life, certainly if you're more prepared rather than steered by your emotions you have a better chance of making good choices. Yes, it would be wonderful if love was based on romance.
Men often minimize their partner's feelings during arguments due to societal expectations of masculinity, which can lead to emotional suppression and discomfort with expressing vulnerability, causing them to downplay or dismiss their partner's emotions to maintain a perceived sense of control or strength.
A 2023 study found that using the Masculine Discrepancy Stress Scale highlights how men can experience stress when they feel their behavior doesn't align with traditional masculine expectations. Men may be more likely to focus on problem-solving and finding solutions during arguments, potentially overlooking the emotional aspect of their partner's concerns.
However, if you want a lasting, successful empowered relationship, you want to be involved with a partner who will treat you right. When you pay attention to these seven tips, it will help to ensure that you won't be a fool for love.
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